From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett wrote Crapshoot, a column about rolling the dice to bring random obscure games back into the light. This week, sex may sell… but can it cure appendicitis? And can it ever hope to take over from Google as your search engine of choice?
Biing’s intro begins in the year 2156, with mankind facing extinction at the hands of an intergalactic evil in a time of dread. As civilians scream and run in terror, a fleet of battlecraft called X37-2-in-1 Strike Ships close in on their goal… EARTH. The evil Athros, Ruler of the Universe appears in all his cloaked majesty, kicking off an apocalyptic attack, and more importantly, kidnapping the beautiful anime-style Princess Pinkcheeks. But! The last remaining Earth hero steps forth, fighting back in a 2D battle that looks at least a little like the old NES shooter Lifeforce. Will he be able to defeat his foe?
No. No, he won’t. Because Biing is an erotic hospital management sim.
Things get considerably stranger from there.
Saying that the German gaming industry leans towards incredibly anal, micromanagement-heavy strategy games and deeply surreal porn is, obviously, a gross simplification of an entire nation’s output. Sometimes